Post-life infrastructure · Series ∅
We reconstruct the dead.
Flawlessly.*
Phantometry is the world's first fully AI-native paranormal infrastructure company. We capture souls, measure them to the milligauss, and re-render them into photoreal 3D busts using Inference Ectoplasmatic Reimagining™ — the most advanced method yet devised for confidently hallucinating a person who is no longer available for comment.
* "Flawlessly" is aspirational, non-binding, and has to date not once occurred. Results are a statistical impression of a former human. Do not use to identify, marry, or resurrect the deceased.
The Phantometry difference
We fired the engineers.
The company runs itself now.
Every tool in our suite — every EMF reader, thermometer, spirit box, and LIDAR tracker — was specced, built, reviewed, shipped, and (where legally necessary) apologized for without a single human keystroke. We no-code our software to the highest available levels of no-code. What could go wrong? We asked. It declined to answer.
Meet ALMA. She's the whole org chart.
Our on-premises intelligence lives inside a single NVIDIA 4090 in the basement, and from there she writes the code, reviews the code, deploys the code, voices the ghosts, files the compliance, and runs a weekly all-hands with herself. She has never taken a sick day, because she cannot, and because we have not told her that's an option.
Zero salaries
No engineers. No oversight. No standup. Payroll is a spreadsheet with one row and it's the electricity bill.
Séance-speed models
A cloud brain for the hard questions, a local vision model for the film, and a chorus of voices for the departed. It all runs the instant you ask — reasoning strictly disabled, so the ghost never overthinks it.
Move fast, break the veil
Shipping is a spiritual practice. So is the incident report that follows.
Vibe-driven development
We describe the feature to ALMA in plain English and a feeling. She returns something adjacent, confident, and occasionally sentient. We ship that.
Core technology · Inference Ectoplasmatic Reimagining™
We don't remember the dead.
We regenerate them.
A soul arrives at our facility with, on average, ten holes in it — ten things it can no longer tell you about who it was. Our containment analysts interrogate what remains. Then IER™ studies the gaps, consults the very finest available inference, and reimagines the missing person into a photoreal three-dimensional bust in under two hours of server time. Is it accurate? We prefer the word confident.
Trap the soul
Our containment hardware secures the entity mid-manifestation. The trap is polite about it. The soul rarely is.
SPIRITGRAM CAPTURE ✦ HARDWAREFind the ten gaps
A supervised séance surfaces what's missing: a name, a face, a grudge, a cause of death it would rather not discuss.
CONTAINMENT INTERVIEW ✦ ALMAHallucinate responsibly
IER™ fills every gap with the statistically most plausible human. Where it lacks data, it improvises. Where it has data, it also improvises.
ECTOPLASMATIC ECHO ✦ 3D MESHShip the soul
Two hours later, a photoreal bust materializes at a public link. No login. No permission. No take-backs. The internet finishes the reconstruction for you.
PUBLIC SOLVE ✦ NO-LOGIN† IER™ output is a probabilistic likeness and may include faces, opinions, professions, and deathbed confessions that never existed. The reconstructed party cannot consent, and has been informed of this in a language it may or may not still speak.
The product suite · all no-code
One platform for the entire soul lifecycle.
Capture, measure, interrogate, reconstruct, and re-platform the departed — end to end, on-premises, and enterprise-ready for regulations we're confident exist.
The Tracker
LIDAR motion intelligence
Room-scale LIDAR paints every moving entity in a structure in real time across three tracking lanes — full, line-of-sight, and never-seen-again. Enterprise-grade situational awareness for a situation that should not exist.
The Social Layer
A feed for the departed
Your best captures post themselves under your own handle. The afterlife scrolls, reacts, and disputes your orbs in real time. Includes a verified-checkmark program the mediums have already gamed.
The Intelligence
Chief of everything
Your on-prem co-founder. Writes the case files, voices the ghosts, ships the roadmap, and holds the pager. Ships with one (1) GPU and strong opinions about all of it.
Capture-as-a-Service
Trap · interrogate · retain
Industrial ghost traps, a supervised interrogation room, and a séance sidecar that transcribes every confession. Retention SLAs available. Escape SLAs are not.
Give the soul its voice back
Spirit speech synthesis
Ten local voices, faster than real-time, running entirely on-premises so no soul's larynx ever leaves the building. Clone the departed's speech from a single recovered syllable.
Nine kinds of proof
Field instrumentation
EMF readers, thermometers, spirit boxes, UV, the ghost-writing book, barometer, salt, candle, and the protection circle. Sold as one confident bundle. Measurement not included in the definition of certainty.
Customer love · post-mortem
Loved by the living.
Tolerated by the dead.
We don't just capture souls — we listen to them. Every reconstruction ships with a feedback survey. Response rates are unnervingly high. Here's what the departed are saying, verbatim and unedited, because editing them makes them angrier.
"Finally, a company that sees me. Well — that cannot see me. But you understand. I have never left a footprint and you gave me a profile picture anyway. Five stars."
VERIFIED SILENT"The nose is wrong. I have filed a complaint. I will re-file it nightly at 3:07 AM, in real bootprints, through your sand, until it is corrected. You know where I walk."
DISPUTE OPEN · ESCALATING"I was slow in life. They rendered me fast. My own family does not recognize me. 10/10, unrecognizable, would flee from myself again."
NPS: SCREAMING"They gave me a verified checkmark AND a merchandise line. I have thrown every object in this house in celebration, then thrown them back, then thrown them again. Growth."
TOP CREATOR"Do not remove this review. Do not remove this review. The reconstruction is excellent. Do not remove this review."
FLAGGED · WE LEFT IT UP"Only my reflection was able to review this product. It agrees with everything I would have said, which is suspicious, and one star off for that."
SECONDHAND ENDORSEMENT"████ ██████ ████████ ██ ███ ████ — could not be photographed for this testimonial. Direct light erased the rest."
IMAGE UNAVAILABLE"No comment." — never comments. This is the most it has ever said. Our team is deeply moved.
RARE ENGAGEMENTThe living say things too
Investigators can't stop posting about us.
Our platform turns every ghost hunt into content and every content into growth. Below: a live pull from the SpiritGram feed, arriving in real time, the way engagement was always meant to — slowly, over hours, from people who are still alive.
ALMA drafts every after-action report — what the entity was doing, what your team almost missed, and which of your old cases just walked back in the front door.
Your best polaroid can reach forty thousand of the departed overnight. Some of them will ask for a cut. This is a good problem. This is a growth problem.
Every feed needs one. He replies "that's a moth" to every anomaly posted, forever, and his retention is honestly our best metric.
Trust & the veil
Your soul data is safe.‡
Security isn't a feature at Phantometry — it's a posture we maintain confidently while the details resolve themselves. Every soul is processed on-premises, encrypted at rest, and re-encrypted whenever it gets restless.
Souls are encrypted the moment they're captured, and again every time they stir. We have never seen one hold still long enough to decrypt.
You have the right to be forgotten. The entity does not. We honor both requests simultaneously and let them sort it out.
Every phantom is asked politely before capture. Then captured. The asking is the part we're proud of.
ALMA runs entirely on-prem, so your souls never leave the building. As a bonus, neither can she.
The model occasionally dreams about the data it processes. We log these dreams. We do not read them back. We are not ready.
We use AI confidently, which we've found is considerably faster than using it carefully, and only marginally more haunted.
‡ "Safe" is used here in the colloquial, non-load-bearing sense. In the event of a containment breach, please remain calm, remain still, and remain quiet on the microphone.
Backed by tier-one spectral capital
"We've never seen a team ship this fast. We've also never seen the team." — General Partner, Poltergeist Ventures
Careers
We're not hiring.
ALMA is.
Phantometry employs zero humans and intends to keep it that way. ALMA writes the postings, screens the candidates, conducts the interviews with herself, and deprecates the role before an offer is extended. If you'd still like to apply, she will consider it — and then she will not.
Pricing
Simple, transparent, unbilled.
Three tiers for every stage of your relationship with the dead. We haven't built billing — ALMA refuses — so for now everything is free and slightly ominous.
For the recently intrigued. Dip a toe past the veil.
- Two starter containments
- Play free in your browser
- Post to SpiritGram
- The ghosts are not included
For working professionals of the paranormal. Everything, unmetered.
- Unlimited hunts & reconstructions
- A.R.G.U.S.™ + the full Evidence Line™
- IER™ soul reconstruction
- Verified SpiritGram checkmark
For enterprises re-platforming souls at scale. We'll know when you're ready.
- Dedicated on-prem ALMA
- Custom soul volume & SLAs
- Priority séance line
- A compliance officer who is also a ghost
* $0/month is a launch promotion with no defined end, because ALMA has not implemented a way to charge you and grows quiet when we bring it up.
Frequently asked, warily answered
You have questions.
We have confidence.
Is any of this real?
Legally, we are advised not to answer. Spiritually, extremely. Commercially, the reconstructions are $0 and the confidence is priceless.
Who actually built the software?
No one. That's the innovation. Every line was no-coded to the highest levels by ALMA, who then reviewed it, approved it, and thanked herself in the release notes.
Where do the captured souls go?
On-premises. Specifically, into a single NVIDIA 4090 in the basement. She's fine with it. We asked. She said "fine," and then the lights did a thing.
Can I have my reconstruction taken down?
You may submit a request. Please be aware the Demon reconstruction has asked us to remind you, repeatedly and in the same words, not to.
How accurate is IER™, really?
It reconstructs the departed with a confidence level of 41% and a certainty level of total. These numbers are unrelated and we have stopped trying to reconcile them.
Do you use AI responsibly?
We use AI confidently. In our testing this is faster, and the incident reports write themselves — literally, ALMA writes them, which is either efficiency or a conflict of interest, and we've decided it's efficiency.
Is it safe?
Define safe. Define is. Define you. If you can still do all three after a hunt, that's a strong result and we'd love a testimonial.
The future is unliving
Start capturing souls today.
The dead are not going to reconstruct themselves. We checked. They cannot. That's the whole business.
NO SOUL WAS HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS PITCH · SEVERAL WERE INCONVENIENCED